Swine flu. Run for my life!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
