Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
