The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
do herpes really smell.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
