I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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