I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize