Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize