we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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