So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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