First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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