You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
