Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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