Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
