she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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