Sorry, I don't speak sober.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
