All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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