Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
