Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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