Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
