i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Damn victory sex feels great
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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