I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
