Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
