I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
