ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
