This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
