bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
