Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
