My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize