so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
