Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
