Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
