Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
