Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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