ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
