Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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