Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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