capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize