i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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