My nipple is on Facebook.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
