Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
