alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
