**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
