he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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