Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Everyone says I win the strip club
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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