The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think a kid would responsible me up
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
