once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Holy sore nipples Batman
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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