I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize