Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
