ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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