I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
