My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
