he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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