I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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