Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
