after a month anything with tits is on the radar
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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