Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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