I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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