She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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