He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
