her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
