when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
