Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize