I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
