if i died would you start the facebook group?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
