Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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