Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
itβs about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Randomize
