You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
