mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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