I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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