just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm too high and old for this...
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
