I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
