now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
this beer tastes like vomit already
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
