i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
