I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i drank out of a bidet.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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