PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
