you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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