He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
